pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
