forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
