I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
