sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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