I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
