At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
