the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
