You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
