I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
