he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
