I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
