you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
