thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
