the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
