I'm gonna have a badass scar
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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