Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
