God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Randomize
