omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
