I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Congratulations! We have a period
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
