wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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