i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize