I met the friendliest cop last night
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
