..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize