I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
