did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Hippo gnu deer
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize