I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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