Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
