I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
