I cockslap morals
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
