omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
