i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
