thus making me awesome and them whores
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
