I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
you never un-have a 4some
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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