my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
