We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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