Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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