Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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