Sry I called you an 8
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
