I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
