I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
