You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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