You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
