Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
