I hate your face
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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