I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
