so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
