saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
