If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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