I wish life had little blips of pornography
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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