how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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