my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think your dad took our porno
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
