Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
