I love black thongs
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
