so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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