This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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