Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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