Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
