Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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