I heard we made out
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize