Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize