i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
