My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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