please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
