He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize