i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
